Humans, our emotions, and homophobia.
One of my two cats is named Theo.
He’s been called “The Keanu Reeves of cats” because of his rakish good looks and ever-so-slightly dim personality. He’s also insanely sweet and seems to be largely unaware of his big size, including his giant teeth and talons.
I’m jealous of Theo. I mean, he’s probably one of the best-looking cats I’ve seen, but that’s not what I’m jealous about (and it would put me into crazy cat person territory). Nah, I’m jealous of his completely in-the-now way of living (which in turn would make me envious of all other species of animals and insects on the planet aside from humans)That is, I’m jealous that his life isn’t owned by emotions.
Theo is constantly dealing with what’s happening at the moment. If he reacts with joy or anger to something it can and does fade away in an instant when the next thing comes along. He has things that have been etched into his brain over the years as being dangerous or safe or friend or enemy, but I can watch him go — in a second — from being scrappy with my other cat and pissed off to laying grandiosely with his belly up and what seems like a smile. He doesn’t hold on to an emotion in the way us humans do— he goes by instinct and learned behavior. It’s not perfect by any means, but read on and see where I’m going.
Emotions can be amazing and life-affirming and can result in supreme works of art and love and a plethora of other things that resonate with humans; that’s the good side.
The dark side is that emotions are often a major cause (along with other assisting factors) of fights, racism, homophobia, relationship issues/divorce, depression, wars, greed, abuse, drug/alcohol addiction, suicide, and on and on.
This is a deep and immense subject — quite a few great books have been written about it. For the purpose of this article I’ll focus on homophobia simply because it very clearly illustrates my point.
Let’s say you’re a happily married man and woman in Kentucky with three kids and a dog. If you look at it from a logical/rational viewpoint, two people of the same sex getting married doesn’t affect you or your family at all unless they are actively forcing themselves/their way of life on you (which still wouldn’t change your core sexual preference).
Two relevant cases:
A. I (a man)grew in a family that had plenty of friends who were gay, lesbian, or bi. My parents taught me by example that we’re all equal.
I like women; always have.
B. A close friend of mine (also a man) grew up with parents of a very religious and conservative mindset who made sure he never got exposed to that kind of thing and would have disowned him if he came out while they were still alive.
He likes men; always has.
If this is the case then why is it such an issue for many people here in the U.S. (and far more in plenty of other countries)? There could be a number of reasons, but they all result in an emotional reaction.
In this case emotion might tell you that being gay is wrong because it goes against what you think is right or what “should” be (pride in the negative sense, which is one of the most dangerous emotions, and disgust) or what you’ve known (fear), that it threatens you (fear), that it’s something you can’t understand or even try to understand (fear), and/or that people are wrong for not being what you think is right and you hate it/them (fear, anger, disgust).
Yep: Fear is often the biggest player.
And the kicker? None of these emotions are reflected in reality. In reality it’s simply two men or women being with each other.
Two men or two women being together/getting married/etc. has no effect on anyone else’s life unless they are actively forcing their way on others or are abusive, hateful, or aggressive towards you (and those characteristics are often there, ironically, for someone who’s homophobic).
Someone being LGBTQ will almost never will affect you unless you experience emotions that tell you otherwise and you’re unable to let those emotions pass. Everything else I mentioned and more is fabricated in one’s mind and can result in hatred, vilification and even murder, not to mention being miserable yourself.
This a great example of how emotion is often separate from reality and why it’s the source of so many of our problems as the species that — as far as we know — is the only species on the planet with a very advanced kind of self-awareness and conscience. It’s more complicated than I’m making it here because you have culture and society and religion and upbringing and all sorts of things affecting your mindset — but it’s the emotions and the inability to separate oneself from them that cause the actual problem in the end.
We’ve evolved so fast with art, intelligence, science, and many other ways, but evolution takes truly gigantic amounts of time to happen, and our brains are still stuck in survival mode that makes us fear things in order to survive, even if now those things might often pose no threat to one’s survival. To get past these history-worn imprints we need to try to get past the survival instinct of emotional reaction and instead look at logic, reason, and what’s actually happening. It’s not always perfect, but it’s far better than the alternative. No other species has logic and reason to the degree that we do, and we need to use it to offset our still evolving emotional reactions.
Emotions can be and are amazing things that we experience in the way we do as humans; but holding on to the fearful and angry ones and letting them seep into our blood and rule our lives can be extremely harmful both to others and ourselves.
Theo doesn’t envy me or us humans. In this case, lucky him!
